Game Update
I have had to rebuild my development computer system. I started the process about a week and a half ago and it has been slow going. It’s been a really difficult time lately on many fronts. I am hoping to get up and running and recover my game development files off of a removable hard drive, but for now they seem to have gone missing. Hopefully it’s something silly like when the space in the hard drive is used up sometimes some files do not display correctly and cannot be accessed until I free up some space.
Before losing my system we were working on random events and had progressed quite far in creating them. They were really coming along. We had almost 20 of them ready to go and they were working properly. The system was perfect and I was really getting into a rhythm banging them out quickly. All of the enemies had pathing set up on the levels and we were thinking about trying to do something special on the new final level. Maybe my mentor was right and I should have pushed harder to get the release done sooner because of all the updates. I really haven’t been as hyper focused on my game development as I have been in the past leading up to the first early access release.
I really hope we can recover and get back on track soon. Speaking of which I have been radio silent for so long, it’s really kind of unacceptable. I think I got lost somewhere along the way. I’m trying to make my way back now so I can get this done. I have a lot more game ideas for things I want to make.
I’m attempting to reinstall Unity 2017 now. I wanted to roll my Windows back to Windows 7. I really miss working in that environment, but it’s completely dead now. It’s possible my system is so old that I will need to bite the bullet and buy a new one, or buy parts and build one. I’m not as young as I used to be so I will probably end up just buying one, which is in of itself a little sad. Times have changed, and I haven’t been working fast enough. I gave my time to other things, and possibly people that didn’t deserve to have it. I probably indulged myself to much. I served my desires for short term gain while ignoring my mission. It’s time to get back to basics, back to what I do well. I feel like I say this way to much, and go through this cycle way to much.
Personal Update
My boys are back from being away for the summer and we just started the school year. My oldest will be driving soon which is kind of a scary thought. I’m sure my insurance premiums will be going up soon. I hope he will be a safe driver. I’m so proud of my boys. They came back and hit the ground running. Each one of them knew what to do and I just needed to gently remind them to get tasks done and they did them. My youngest did have some fallout from behaviors that were allowed at the other house, but we are setting boundaries on those things and correcting him as they show up. Vigilance and consistency is really key with children. I’ve come a long way from when I had to stay with them constantly and when we used to do our grocery trips every Sunday after church together. I gained a lot of time, but I’m probably not using it in the wisest ways.
I had a relationship for about 10 months just shy of 11 and it was so good at the beginning. I blame myself for not holding to boundaries, and seeing the warning signs earlier. I allowed to much, and bent over backwards giving up to much of myself to it. In the end like clockwork it completed in just under a year. I’m not that surprised really. I’d be more surprised if it went past a year, or if I actually found someone that wanted to work on the relationship and fight for it. I made a lot of mistakes at the end, but there were chances to right the ship as well.
I went back to dating after the breakup, but recently was challenged to take some time away. I’m currently on a 30 day no pursuit challenge. I can still be social with women but I am not on apps, and not setting up romantic dates with anyone. I am mostly focused on getting my actual house in order as well as my mental house. It has been difficult to say the least which is probably a problem. I used to be so good at being by myself, but after I made changes to myself now I also want to be social more often. I am very used to dating, and socializing so to take this step back in a self imposed way to create more discipline in myself has not been easy.
There is a moment in the movie “A Knights Tale” in which the main character is asked by his love interest to “go against himself” and lose every jousting match. That’s because winning is easy and so he wouldn’t really be doing it for her. For him to go against his own nature would prove his love. I guess you could say that I’m in a similar situation.
As I am being less social I still feel the need to chat with someone. So to that end I have been writing about each day. It seems to have helped me curb the needy nature of talking to someone every day. Most of the people in my circles have there own lives to worry about anyway. Losing a romantic partner takes its toll in many ways. Trying to fill that void is pretty natural for me. Sitting with it, isn’t.
Due to some unfortunate events I had to part ways with my Board Game group. My response was to start one of my own in my area. It has seen some success and I hope that it will keep growing going forward. I ran into another issue though which is after it is over I feel the loss the next day. I really have changes myself when I want that social stimulus. Often when I’m feeling bad actually going to work gives me a lot of that social stimulus as well as validation. I really didn’t used to be this way. I guess I’m wondering if what I’m going through is healthy. I don’t feel this way when I have someone that I want to talk to every day that also wants to hear from me as well.
I guess all I can do is keep taking things day by day and hoping everything will turn out well in the end. All things considered I have a very cushy life. I really don’t need to do anything but coast right now. I just can’t do that though. I need to keep pushing myself. One of the worst things I heard recently was when someone questioned why I needed to be the best at everything, or try so hard. I guess they really didn’t understand me. Maybe there is someone out there that will next time.